Spin. Stay level. Fall over.

• Counts every full spin

  Your phone's motion sensors measure each rotation about the vertical, so tilting or wobbling doesn't throw off the count. It sees everything. It's very judgmental.

• Spin back to unwind

  Five turns clockwise and two counter-clockwise makes three. Go too far backwards and you'll go negative, which the app will also comment on. Loudly.

• A number that gets angry

  The count starts white and turns red as you rack up spins, then starts flashing from 15 on, like it has opinions. Reduce Motion users get a gentle pulse instead.

• Stay-level warning

  A live level ring shows how flat you're holding the phone. Hold it like a tray of tiny drinks: tip it too far for too long and you get a warning, then you're disqualified. Tiny drinks spilled.

• Chair and cheat detection

  Spinning in an office chair? You'll be branded a Chair Cheater, publicly, with a flashing banner. Turntables, lazy Susans and phones spun on a table are caught and disqualified. Nice try.

• A roast for every result

  Hundreds of jokes matched to your spin count, from Warm-Up to Beyond Science, shuffled so you see them all before any repeat. Some are even funny.

• Offline leaderboards

  Most Spins, Fastest and Most Rounds boards live on your phone. Add your name when you make the top 10, then tell everyone in the room about it, whether they asked or not.

• Share the dizziness

  Send your score as text plus a square score card with your bracket title and your personal roast.

The round runs until something stops it, and the app notices all of these on its own. Collect them all.

• Stopped

  You ran out of spin

  Slow down below a steady turn for a moment and the round is over.

• Wipeout!

  Gravity wins

  A fall or a sudden impact ends it, with a stick figure tumbling off the screen. He's fine. He's a stick figure.

• Handed off

  Held too far from level

  Pass the phone to a friend, or tilt it well away from flat for a second, and it's done.

• Disqualified

  Nice try

  Too tilted for too long, or spinning by turntable, table or drill: the round is saved as disqualified and kept off the leaderboards.

You are spinning in circles holding a glass rectangle. Clear the area and spin on something soft.

Spin Thing costs $0.99, and that's how it gets paid for. A game about spinning in circles has no business collecting anything about you, and a “free” one would have to earn its keep with ads or your data instead. So there are no ads, no accounts, no tracking, and no in-app purchases. The whole thing runs on your phone's own motion sensors, offline, and your scores stay on your phone, which is more than can be said for your lunch. The only thing you accept is a disclaimer about not smashing the glass rectangle you're spinning with. The idea is Oliver's. Any dizziness is his fault.